A Major Freak Out on the Citadel
by Hebisama
Summary: Just a one-shot. An exploration of being a SI in this fandom. Because let's face it, if you were thrown into the Mass Effect universe, you'd freak out in a major way.


**AN: I wrote this some time ago and I decided to post it. Why, when it is only a rant without a point? I have been preparing a Mass Effect story - NOT SI - I have written so on my profile. But I have received some mail asking for a ME SI or an OC with the knowledge of the future. So here you go, but it won** **'t be a full story. Sorry.**

* * *

" _The breaking story of today is the Geth attack on the human colony Eden Prime. The Geth had not been seen outside of the Veil for centuries and while the System_ _'s Alliance has decline to comment as of yet, we have reports that the attack has been particularly vicious and devastating. The planet's capital…"_

Galactic News.

I am watching _Galactic News_. That's what the logo said. CNN, sure. BBC, why not. Hell even NHK was not unusual. But Galactic News. I don't have any kind of Galactic News on cable. Because of course, as far as anyone knows, we were alone in the Galaxy so far. And we certainly didn't have a blue-skinned reporter.

A hand on my shoulder snapped me back from my thoughts. I jerked, disoriented. She smiled kindly "Did you know someone on Eden Prime?"

My eyes focused on the blue skin. And tentacles. Or something of a sort. I knew those. From a game. And this didn't look like any cosplay I have ever seen. I looked around me and my heart plummeted.

I need space. And time. To think. Or continue to hallucinate, doesn't matter. I need to get away. I looked up to the asari's kind face and murmured "Yeah."

"I'm sorry for your loss. But maybe they were survivors?" she said encouragingly.

I nodded "Maybe. Excuse me, I, I need to go."

"Of course"

"Thank you" I murmured again. She just smiled.

One look around me and I decided to walk towards the presidium lake. 'The presidium, good, I should not get mugged. I hope. As long as I don't fall completely apart I should be left alone. If not, I could fake having lost a relative in the geth attack.'

'But I have lost relatives!' my eyes shot wide in the sudden realization. 'I can't be in Mass effect! I want to go home. I have parents and friends.'

I broke down in sobs. 'This is so fucking unfair! Not to mention impossible! Maybe I've gone crazy and I'm on some nice medication which sent my mind into my favorite game, one I played so much my WSAD keys were devoid of its white letters. I should wake up.'

…

'There goes that hope.'

I looked into the water of the lake and took in the nice scenery. My brain refused to process anything and it seemed to float on a fluffy cloud inside my head.

Until reality hit again.

"I'm a SI."

…

"Fuck."

'That can't be. I _write_ stories, I do not star in them! I admit sometimes I was in the mood for reading a good OC or SI story. Heck even time-travel stories. I liked the dilemmas and the inevitable trouble came to those that knew how the events would unfold. '

I gripped the railing so hard my knuckles whitened 'I don't want any dilemmas and inevitable trouble!'

…

"No response, huh?" I had a sudden urge to laugh. Not good, I'm going into hysterics. 'But there should've been a response. I mean, most of the SI characters get plugged from their universe and then they get briefed! Or something. Maybe even a little message on their omni-tool.'

Which I don't have.

'Still, I want some answers. Or fuck it, I want a way to go home.'

'Come ON! Many SI not only get briefed, but they get superpowers! Or time to train. Ok, I kinda hated the stories where the main character has god-like abilities, but I'm over it. I want them. Something. Anything. Sharingan? Spartan armor? The ability to bend the matrix? '

'I've got nothing. No money no history, no training. What was the point to get me here? Someone screwed up, maybe? Not that it would help me in any case. I mean, I'm in relatively good shape. Yeey me. I did martial arts when I was younger – I imagined myself flying and fighting like in those kung-fu movies – but that stopped when I went to University and had little time. And I was never a Bruce Lee. I never competed and never made it to black-belt. Heck I stopped at green. I wasn't _bad_ , but it was kinda hard to win one-on-one taekwondo matched without glasses. I got contacts only after I stopped. Still, thank god for Lasic. I'm actually not bad with a sword – cue Reapers and Collectors laughing.'

'Why I wasn't sent into Dragon Age instead! I wouldn't need a detailed history and my skills could be useful. Not that I would want to deal with all that Fade rubbish, mind you.'

I put my head into my hands and sighed again 'I know how to shoot. That's actually not that hard, but I only ever used a simple rifle and I had plenty of time to line up my shot. And let's face it, the paper targets didn't resist much.'

'This is hopeless, there is a war coming and my chances for survival are minimal. Heh, it even rhymed. I only ever was a student. I only ever needed my brain. I was about to graduate from law school in a few months and then find a nice job and so on and on. There were no Reapers in my life plan.'

'And now they are.'

'Once upon a time I had considered military as a career option, my grandfather and grandmother were pilot and support staff respectively. But that was only because when I was younger I loved the show JAG and had a little crush on Sarah McKenzie.'

'Plus always prided myself on being educated, knowledgeable even. I loved spouting little trivia, be it from history or biology, psychology or literature. Now I know jack squat. We are now in the 23rd century and everything I know is slightly out of date. By two hundred years or so.'

 _Sigh_ , 'I should've read the codex. I always marked it all read and moved onto the excitement of the next shoot-out or moved on with the story.'

'Wait! The asari spoke to me and I understood! That means I at least have a translator or something. Well, it's not being a super saiyan but it's something at least.'

'Awesome' I thought bitterly, 'Now, what do I do.'

'Pretty much all SIs I've read about went to join Shepard on her/his mission, which was logical - not only you get some legitimacy with SPECTRE backing but it _is_ the only future the poor sod has any knowledge of.'

The downside - many small things that could be encompassed by the nice word 'violence'.

Lots and lots of violence.

I used to love the Mass Effect trilogy - shooting, magnificent story and romance.

'Oh yes the romance! Liara was a bit obsessive but I paired my FemShep with her most often than not. The other times it was Traynor. I loved her, she was hilarious and her accent to die for. But my favorite romance option was Miranda, even if I had to play a dude to get her.'

'How trivial it all seems now.'

'This is fucked up. Royally so.'

…

…

'OK, time to be constructive. So, how do I do this?'

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 **AN: What would be your plan to survive? At least it is a smidge better than the zombie apocalypse (husks notwhistanding).**


End file.
